The Countries Iceberg - Part VI.5
First published: Monday April 1st, 2024
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Hey everyone. We're taking a brief break from the normal iceberg to look at some forbidden knowledge. These are the countries that they don't want you to know.
Texas
Texas is a U.S. state located in the southern part of the country. It is on this list due to a clause in its constitution that legally allows it to leave the United States for any reason, at any time, and without the consent of the federal government. It is the biggest and richest state in the union, mostly thanks to its thriving cowboy / livestock industry.
Capital: Houston
New World Order
The New World Order is a cabal of the Illuminati, Freemasons, communists, aliens, Democrats, the Mafia, and others who secretly control the whole world. They have orchestrated everything since 1963, when they assassinated John F. Kennedy for trying to reveal their existence. It is predicted that by 2027, they will have seized everyone's guns, electric guitars, anime DVDs, and teddy bears.
Capital: London
Africa
Africa is the largest country in the world, located... somewhere... we'll figure it out eventually. Despite having the most land and people of any country, it is also the poorest country in the world, lacking any sort of electricity, food, or large cities. The vast majority of citizens live in huts and hunt elephants to survive. It also has the lowest life expectancy of any country, with the average person living to just thirty. It's not all bad, though—the entire population is above six foot, and everyone is a member of a royal family.
Capital: Egypt
Ohio
Ohio is a rizzy region, notably the home of Duke Dennis and Kai Cenat. Only a looksmaxxing sigma with a W canthal tilt can fanum tax a Skibidi Toilet here, mostly Grimace Shakes, though occasionally Baby Gronk will rizz up Livvy Dunne's gyatt. Edging is allowed, but only if you have W rizz, and betas like Adin Ross will be mogged. In the capital, Skibidi City, gooners can be seen hitting the griddy, but for the most part it's just sussy like Fortnite.
Capital: Skibidi City
French Guyana
French Guyana is an overseas territory of France. Due to it being so far away from the mainland, it is an overseas territory, and has no representation in the national legislature. Look out for similar entries on territories like Okinawa, Tasmania, and Hawaii.
Capital: Cayenne
Wakanda
Wakanda is a country in Africa. They want you to think they're poor and struggling, but let me fill you in on a secret: they're not. In fact, they are the most technologically advanced country on Earth. This is thanks to an element known as vibranium, which posses extraordinary energetic powers. All this came to the nation around 2,000 years ago, when a meteorite of it landed in the region.
For more information, watch the Marvel documentary Black Panther.
Capital: Birnin Zana
Grease
Apparently grease, like the cooking stuff, is a country in Europe somewhere. I have no idea how this came to be, but honestly I don't mind, since I had some bacon this morning and the grease really added a punch. Lovely.
Cyprus
Cyprus is an island nation located in the Caribbean Sea. It used to be in Africa, but moved due to nonstop arguments over its location. I'm glad they're happy now, but, uh... where's Jamaica?
Capital: Nicoston
West Virginia
West Virginia is not a country in any sense of the word, but according to one YouGov poll, nearly a quarter of the state supports seceding from the United States. Which, naturally, is a great idea, considering the lack of seaports and being completely surrounded by the country you just left. Sort of like a new-age Lesotho.
Capital: Charleston
Transylvania
Transylvania is a pretty scary place, home to bloodthirsty vampires like Dracula and Nosferatu. Now, some sources online will say that Transylvania is "not a country" and "has not been since 1711," but you can disregard this, since it was mentioned in the ever-reliable Yakko's World. Strangely, there's also a lot of cute girls from here. I wonder if they had to leave due to the vampires?
Capital: Dracula City
A rock
Belgium
A European country that is the archenemy of our dear Quizmaster. According to said Quizmaster, Belgium is the top enemy of the United States, with horrible contributions to humanity (such as french fries, waffles, and the D.R. Congo). It threatens world peace and stability, is full of criminals and terrorists, puts exorbitant amounts of mayonnaise on their fries, and is generally the root of all evil. It is probably controlled by the same evil masterminds behind the known terrorist organization of Sporcle.
Capital: Brussel Sprouts
Olympics
Olympics is a country near Greece that is famous for its amazing athletes. It existed for a long time in the ancient world, but collapsed around 400 AD. Luckily, it regained independence in 1896, but briefly fell from 1916 to 1920, and again from 1940 to 1944. I'm not really sure what happened, but considering it was during world wars, I assume it was occupied or something.
Capital: Beijing (most recently—capital changes every two years)
JetPunk
What needs to be said? If you're reading this blog post at all, you probably spend too much time here.
Capital: Seattle
Zambian Moon Colony
Finland
Finland is a very real "country" that totally exists in northern Europe. It is totally home to 5.6 million very real "people," which is, coincidentally, the percentage of the world population that can be considered a rounding error. Just something to think about.
The country's very real capital is "Helsinki," and its very real "citizens" speak the very real language of "Finnish." Since the "country" is very real, it is absolutely not a front to hide the true location of Santa Claus. Of course not, since Finland is a very real "country."
Capital: "Helsinki"
North Pole
The North Pole is the northernmost point on Earth. It is located in the middle of the Arctic Ocean, although because we were all indoctrinated into believing that Santa Claus lives there and not Finland, it must contain a floating igloo. It is supposedly inhabited by Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus, and his elves / slaves.
Whatever country this is
I need some help from y'all on this one. I saw this post online, and I honestly have no idea what it's called. Once again, the American education system (and it alone) has failed me.
Nambia
Nambia is a possible region in the very large country of Africa. According to president Donald Trump, this "country" has the best healthcare. The greatest healthcare. Yuuuuuuuge healthcare. Though it is suspected that he could have been referring to Namibia, we do not believe he made a mistake.
Capital: Windheck
Kenya
Kenya is a region of the country known as Africa. It is the birthplace of our Muslim, radical leftist, socialist, former president Barack Hussein (Muslim) Obama. He spent all his time on vacation during 9/11 and wasn't in office. Those demoncrats! Don't believe us? It was confirmed in a quiz.
Capital: Obamatown
Bikini Bottom
Bikini Bottom is a thriving fish society located somewhere beneath the Marshall Islands. It is home to hundreds of nameless fish, an eccentric sponge, a gluttonous starfish, a cynical octopus who is erroneously named a squid, a rowdy squirrel, an avaricious crab, a one-eyed plankton, and a steroid-addicted lobster. The city was created following the 1954 Castle Bravo test, which released radiation into the sea and created freaky creatures. While some may not think it's real, those are generally the same people who believe that there's a country called "Finland."
Capital: Jellyfish Fields
Republic Dominican
Republic Dominican is a country in the Sea Caribbean. Included in the very accurate Yakko's World, it is home to Domingo Santo, the first established settlement in the World New.
Capital: Domingo Santo
Glad Texas made the list!
when I casually read about Texas, I seriously believed it! So yes, your prank was a bit success!
Really good and funny!
I can confirm the flag is legit however
Also, that country is called West Sportugal
Hilarious blog, not afraid to say the things that Twitter would eat you alive for.
HaitiGang-controlled-free-for-all